Tag: #healing

Pointless: a Poem

I feel exhausted and pointless
(yeah, what’s the point in this?)
a blur of days
an underlying pain
and dreams that now haunt me
a debilitating monopoly
a one-track-fury
a one-trick-pony
depression, fear & anxiety:
they own me
yeah, of course you’ll never notice me
so horribly underachieving
and a life lacking meaning
some clarity I’m needing
yet the healing
always seeming
to be eluding me…

D.D.I.F: a Poem

It feels like a deep despair that will never leave me
More painful than anything I could ever imagine
A suffering; a dwelling; a thunderous fear
The depth feels like millions of light years
Grief way beyond just what one life has seen
The darkness stretches on beyond infinity — that’s how it seems…

A heart marred; drowning in murky waters
A thick grey sky blocks out the sunlight
Stuck in the trenches
Surrounded by stagnant, polluting energy
And if I’m lucky,
Freedom,
A deviating thought I think —
Feeling I have —
At that rock’n’roll club or at the seaside
That things really are gonna be alright
But then soon enough I’m reeling
The darkness inside is spilling…
Back to that Deep Despair Infinity Feeling…

written 22.04.21

The Guards: a Poem

It’s like I’m in a prison
and they are the guards
fear racing thru each of our hearts
silently watchful or totally neglectful
either way, it’s totally not fucking helpful
need to escape
but no opportunities come my way
stuck in all this ancestoral pain
just praying for the light
to shine on me one day … ☀️

But I also feel guilty
spewing all this negativity
but the life I’ve had
it’s been very damaging
with the way you chose
to handle and manage me
I need acknowledgement
and I need my sanity;
I need a new path
to be laid out in front of me
just praying again
for fortune
to favour honesty

Communicative Confessions III

Just saying stuff to be right
or to make an interesting story time
and said with such conviction
it’s hard to tell the truth from fiction
(unless you can feel the energy
then it’s very fucking easy…)
yeah just being around him taught me
how to be very quick on my feet
to look in your eyes and lie easily
to bury the pain I was feeling
and use it to justify dubious dealings…

Yeah, it’s no wonder that I am now suffering
and many relationships collapsed catastrophically
‘cuz I was never living authentically
I’m sure that they all just got fed up with me…
and so life got extremely lonely
forced to go within;
to also disown the old me
yeah it’s been quite the interesting journey
to be a much better person, I have been learning 🖤💙

More than Misery? a Poem

Some days the pain’s tremendous
I’m scared the stress & sorrow’s endless
scared I’ll never find my independence
or I’ll never find a way to end the
addicted dreams and the devil deeds
and a mind that keeps dysfunctioning
never letting other options in…
not sure what god has planned for me
but I hope it’s more than this misery…

Surrounded by Restriction: a Poem

surrounded by restriction
life and mind is my affliction
daily praying for change
but nothing coming my way…

so what more can I do?
than hope and wait for pastures new?
stuck all alone in a single room
stuck; stale emotions coming through
entrenched beliefs now in full view
and “my high potential” seems reduced
as stronger forces continue to
decimate
and incarcerate
my avenues,
my breakthroughs,
my expansion into the brand new…

8 of Swords Reality: a Poem

so much ambition
inspiration fills my head
but all gets funnelled
into anxiety instead…

an underlying sadness
a shadow filled with dread
creating misdeeds;
completely wasting energy…

my life is a hypocrisy
my life ain’t a democracy
it’s cra(c)y demo(n)s chasing me…
it’s others thoughts controlling me…

it’s an 8 of swords reality
and a desperate need for clarity
as a wounded soul mentality
continues to take the best of me…

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